Welcome to my life... again

Welcome to my life... again
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

So I finally got my latest vlog up and running. It's good to finally be back. I think I might no worry too much about getting the old stuff up and running, life as it is right now holds enough wonder to tell about daily (not that I will, but I certainly want to). Peace.

Delays

I feel like somewhat of a failure for not being faithful with this blog/vlog. I had a passion for it months ago. I had hoped, in that passion, to make all kinds of new friends. I had hoped to connect with some people that I would have otherwise never connected with. That hope, having fallen on hard times and stern procrastination, has turned into an obstacle. I feel now that even if I succeed at being faithful with this blog I've fallen too far into the dust, forgotten amongst the ethereal and dissippating pages of the internet
I have been trying to get back into the scene but for whatever reason I keep finding road blocks whenever I try to post a video. It didn't cross my mind that I could write a little, which is obvious now.
Regardless I will inconsistently ply my efforts into making this website alive.

About things past and things that might be

A letter I sent to a friend that explains the current status of my life. I also joined a band that is slowly starting and hopefully going to hit like a volcanic mountain full in the face. Now, the letter:

Dear Lauren,

Alright, you are long due a good solid email. And though I attempt this now there are no garauntees for its quality.

I went to Florida a few weeks ago, as you know, to visit two friends of mine that I met three years ago at a cheap day camp near my house. The summer i met them I was "in love" (I use quotes to denote a naive approach at something I did not then understand. It was more obssession and need than love) with a girl. This girl and I were too young truly to know much of worth about life... well, at the very least she didn't want me. I couldn't blame her because what I wanted was for her to fulfill me and I wanted to possess her. THese two friends from Florida that I met, Megan and Janelle, well when my attempts with this other girl fell apart Megan and Janelle were there to make me feel attractive and desireable. I don't think i've run into a stronger drug.

The summer ended and I had a tragic though redeeming year at school. I made promises to visit these two friends down in Florida but the planets didn't align for that trip till recently.

I went down to Florida with a foolish attitude, not just a lack of preparation against temptation but a willingness to follow whatever fit chose to possess me under the fair and hot skies of Ft. Lauderdale. Obviously it went badly for me, though at the time I saw nothing but pleasure, it was certainly a trap set against me to make me change course from the Sudan, which God had not said no to, and choose some other plan outside of his will.

Part of me wanted to live in Florida and be wanted so badly that the trap almost worked. I was lonely and frustrated with life at home, having no plain purpose and no outlet for my gifts and only a tentative hold on a godly obedient character. It was a well timed and executed plan. If not for God's own Spirit in me and His tenacious hold on my prayers, that He would lead me to the right, I would have followed what I saw as right in my own eyes.

I had a conversation with my parents about it one night wherein I bared a portion more of the climate of my soul than I had before. Something about that conversation finally convinced me not to move to Florida, and it wasn't a decision made by my parents. They supported me in whatever I would choose, even though I thought it not the wisest of things to do. My heart became more clear to me. I found that I didn't actually desire Florida for myself. And though I love my friends down there, and none of this was any fault of theirs, that place is not the best place for me to be. The reason, merely because God is not leading me there so I'd be without him in that city.

So I'm back to the harder path, an impossible mission to liberate the people of Darfur... a proud statement? Maybe. God will lead me. If he chooses to accomplish that work in me, or some other work that I have not yet imagined, he will accomplish it by his means and in his time, even though I am a worm of a man.

Also, and this is in ways a scarier thing to face, I think he may lead me to love that obssession of mine from the past. I had prayed a prayer long years ago that, if God were willing, he would work my life and the life of this girl so that the two of us could be husband and wife. Is it possible that this is coming to be? I think it is possible. I wait still on God's movement in it for, you see, the girl still has a boyfriend that she doesn't truly desire in her heart of hearts. If and when they break up, if God still hasn't said no, I'm pursuing her.

You might wonder, "Well Sean, isn't this just another obssession?" I would say yes if I was the same as that young impulsive boy three years ago and if she two were the same troubled girl. Well i'm still impulsive, but in a thousand inexplicable ways we are different people, though the same in every central and enduring facet.

Um... is that good for now? I'm helping to plan a prayer service for the Sudan at the church i work at (as a janitor) to join with all the other events happening on the 21st of September all across the nation devoted to helping and remembering the oppressed in the Darfur region of the Sudan. Hopefully a lot of people will attend and we will get a press release off to the local news. Hopefully people will be moved and my next step towards that country will become clear. They are in need and I am willing to set myself on the hands of God to accomplish the impossible, though i can't imagine it and certainly can't accomplish it. Truly I can scarce believe it. Thanks be to God for his enduring and free grace.

Thanks for sending my info on how you're doing and what you're up to. I haven't read the whole thing due to laziness... I've been terribly lazy this summer, it's horrible... but I will read it.

Peace and Sincerity,
Sean

I'm Back!

I'm Back!
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

Wow... it's been way too long. It's been a tough couple of months between graduating and putting my life together. I couldn't vlog for so long because we didn't have broadband at home until like a week ago (and I would have had this vlog up sooner too but Movie Maker has been the crappiest program lately). Really these are just excuses. A more die hard Vlogger would not have let these troubles get in his/her way. Oh well, is it better late than never? Will the Vloggosphere still accept me? I'm a little nervous... especially since this vlog's editing is pretty bad (I blame Movie Maker. I'm switching to Vegas 4/5 as soon as I get one little hiccup fixed). Ok... I hope you all like the Bouncing Souls.

My Spokesman

In the depth of silent December,
flow tingle.
Skin tightens in the cold, hands,
limbs,
flimsical blasting
Iron
The heavy breeze of a moonless night
lazily on arm
coiling sluths
Method my skin
Carry's the precious
individual hair strands to grasp
At the warmth escaping
Her eyes were pretty, Dark incest.
I imagined them
glancing
As winter caressed my freezing soul
But never once
did I see you.
Savior.
Help! the missing.
Above the crunch of snow
I whisper
love...
And she turned Heaven
melted
her tongue
Like so many dying flakes;
shiver...


oh soul embolden.

Flicker Flash

Flicker Flash

flicker flash
and sing my candle sweet, waxen beauty, in slick symphony
dance upon my table like the graceful orange day
listen to me whimper
and flow upon the breath of a weary winter's day
heat of melting flow touched upon my fingertips
and the cold air kissed me tenderly
lovely shape, oh Heavenly body
come close to me again and say you hate me
leave me to shudder, happy in my throes of pain so dear
flickering, it burnt low
the lighted candle on the table
I had been sitting for hours
time slipped away
all the while I thought of you...
do not leave me love
for I am destitute.

A Response to Darfur

A Response to Darfur
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

This is my response to the post that Aaron Flores put up on theVoiz.com. I hope I come across well, I know I have some pretty serious fanatical tendencies. I called the Department of Secretary of State Robert Zoellick, he wasn't there but his secretary was really nice and he is doing what he can to help those in Darfur. Give him some encouragement. Also contact your senators, their info can easily be found on the web. Also get in touch with the White House (seriously! I mean why not take it to all the big uppity-ups if we believe it should be done). You have a voice and that means power, use it for the good.

Robert Zoellick Department Secretary of State:
phone: 202-647-9641
fax: 202-647-6047
address: Attn: Department Secretary of State Robert Zoellick
Sweet 7220
2201 C Street northwest
Washington DC 20520

The White House:
Address: The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Comments: 202-456-1111
Switchboard: 202-456-1414
FAX: 202-456-2461

President George W. Bush: president@whitehouse.gov
Vice President Richard Cheney: vice.president@whitehouse.gov

My Confession

My Confession
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

Watch the one before this first, Fire and Forties, just for the sake of chronology. This entry is the morning after and I am voicing some severe regrets. I hope my emotions make sense to you all, feel free to ask me any questions you may have.

Fire and Forties

Fire and Forties
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

This is from April 21st, I'm really behind in editing and posting. Just a few guys going out to drink forties on a bridge and enjoy eachother's company. Its pretty dark most of the time and the sound is a little hard to hear, so turn up your volume and squint.

Early Vlogging Jitters Part 2

Early Vlogging Jitters Part 2
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

Here's part two. The coolest thing here is my question about American Freedom. The documentary project I talk about in this one has changed though. The new question is this: Has America, in her pursuit of material wealth, become spiritually poor? My friend Scottie and I hope to determine this by exploring Western Europe and Eastern Europe, which are on either ends of the material wealth spectrum (does that make sense?).

Pipes at Dawn

Pipes at Dawn
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

So this is kind of out of order. This is actually my second Vlog but Ourmedia gave me the URL for the third one before I got it for this one. Eh well, shouldn't effect you at all.

Early Vlogging Jitters

Early Vlogging Jitters
Originally uploaded by teknonhatheou.

So I'm getting used to the vlog. This post is probably a week old cause I've been so busy. I've got loads more if you'll be patient with me to edit my footage. There are maybe three parts to this post just cause I got carried away and didn't stop talking and I didn't want to overwhelm you all with one video.